What If Weirdos From Nelson's Films Had Job Profiles?

Welcome to the Nelson Film Weirdo Club. Everything is eccentric in a Nelson film, even the film’s title. 

The title of his first film Kolamavu Kokila (2018) also hints at its protagonist Kokila’s job. Here though “Kolamavu” doesn’t necessarily mean the rangoli powder but instead refers to a product that feels and looks very similar — white in colour, powdered texture, sold in packets — (no points for guessing it right) drugs. Since Kokila was basically unemployed, she took to smuggling drugs directly. But Nelson’s other protagonists have full-time serious work or a reputation to maintain. That’s why they pick on the social media trend — side hustling.

While Varun, who is a full-time doctor, doubles up as a kidnapper to rescue a young girl, Indian spy Veeraraghavan disguises himself as a Bangladeshi terrorist to scare an actual terrorist. Likewise, in the recent Rajinikanth-starrer, a responsible retired jailer (almost) steals the most valuable crown and pulls a mega shoot-out prank. And this wackiness extends to the many supporting characters in Nelson’s world. 

What job might these crazy characters have? If they have a LinkedIn profile, what would their bio read? Check out. 

Prathap from Doctor (Yogi Babu)

Name: Prathap aka Ring King Prathap

Occupation: Professional Athlete specialised in Ara Kai / Slap Hand

Accolades:

• Crowned Father of Ara Kai / Slap Hand Association for the immense contribution made towards the spread of the sport.

• 9 Times Consecutive Champion of Ara Kai / Slap Hand Tournaments.

Bio:

   Although I lost a kidney in a kidnapping accident, I have not lost faith in life. Due to my dedicated efforts, hand power and skill at distracting others, I have been able to win the Slap Hand tournament several times. When I am not playing in the tournament, you can find me working at the Frosty Icecream shop in Goa or busy helping Doctor Varun with his projects.  

Are you looking to make extra money while you are at your full-time job? Learn the skills of Ara Kai and every time you win a tournament, the association offers you prize money. DM for more details.

If you would like to take part in the tournament, you can either contact Bhagat, the association secretary or read the rules below. 

• The first person to tear up during the game is considered the loser.

• You shouldn’t pick a gun or knife in between the game. This is a gentleman’s game.

• Freedom of speech. You can trash talk to distract the opponent. 

See you at the games.

LK from Kolamaavu Kokila

Name: Lakshmana Kumar aka LK

Occupation: Sobhi Rasigar Mandram Thalaivar

Qualities: Loyal, Hard Working, One side love for life, Admin on 'Saving Sobhi's Mother' WhatsApp group

Experience:

• Helped a family during their darkest times

• Lent moral support by creating a WhatsApp group

I'm an obsessive stalker who is head over heels for Sobhi, Kokila’s sister. She might have nothing but indifference and contempt for me but I'm a true lover. I am not an insufferable Tamil film lover, I'm harmless. Call it delusion but I believe in WhatsApp forwards and creating groups to “save” my lover’s family. I strongly believe that we can end even world poverty by sending WhatsApp forwards to 25 people. Despite the derision that came my way I stood by Sobhi and her family until the very last day they were in town. Now, I'm following the footsteps of my uncle Remo Kumar (the unforgettable Sivakarthikeyan super fan).

Bhagat from Doctor (Redin Kingsley)

Name: Bhagat

Occupation: Friends of Police, Friends of People, Friends of Kidnappers (only good kidnappers)

Bio: I am a friends of police. Cops are friends of people, so I am police and friends of people. My aim is to either chase the criminal as a police or chase the police as a criminal. Besides my police work, I am also the secretary of the Slap Hand Association and work with Dr Varun in his Ice cream shop. 

Experience:  I have helped track calls from criminals in 16 cases and sponsored many tournaments in the Slap Hand Association. I have also majorly contributed towards saving young girls from human trafficking along with Colonel James Anderson in his major operation at Goa in 2021.

PS: In the Doctor community, it is said that Bhagat has still not recovered from the shock that TikTok was banned in India and is waiting for an email. So he is currently not open to work. 

Driver Vimal from Jailer (Yogi Babu)

#HIRING

Name: Vimal

Occupation: Driver, Author and Co-founder of AB CID 004  (Accidental Burglar-Criminal Internship Division)

Bio: While I started out as a driver, my deep inclination towards reading and spreading Bharathiyar's quotes led me to author a book. As a co-founder and partner, I take care of hiring at AB CID 004 organisation where we look for candidates who are into different streams of work but accidentally meet people backed by Nelson. We welcome you to join our club but if you do not want to be a part of it, you can read my sophomore book and follow the notes. But always expect the unexpected.

Experience: 

• Authored books - “101 Life Quotes by Bharatiyar”, “The Art of Not Getting Involved in Crimes”

People Who Work At AB CID 004

• Founder Shekhar, owner of the grocery store, next to Kolamavu Kokila’s previous house

• Bhagat, friends of police

• Dominic Irudhayaraj, the chairman of security company Dominic and Soldiers

• Jill and Jack, partners who were celebrated for fighting against terrorists in Mall Hijack in Chennai on 13 April 2022. 

Recommended By: Jailer Muthuvel Pandian, Kolamaavu Kokila, Doctor Varun, Veeraraghavan, Friends of Police Bhagat

Gangster Mahaali from Doctor and Beast (Sunil Reddy)

Name: Mahaali

Occupation: Project Executor, Revenue split specialist 

Experience:

• Played a major role in a deadly mission to rescue dozens of young girls from human trafficking in 2021

• Been an active participant in the rescue of the East Coast Mall hijacking in 2022

• Gunned down terrorists as a part of the rescue mission

Previous reporting managers:

• Major Dr Varun - Army Medical Corps (AMC) – Indian Army

• Veera Raghavan, former RAW operative

Bio: 

Performing in high-pressure scenarios is my strongest skill. I have been put under extreme situations before. Be it a mission where the lives of numerous little girls are at stake or the hijacking of an entire shopping mall by terrorists with hundreds of visitors being entrapped, I have always been a team player and contributed to the mission's success. The path hasn’t been easy for me. I have endured several physical and emotional setbacks but I always keep going. Well, I’m not called an Aunty-hero for no reason.

Recommended By: Kili (he wasn’t forced to give his recommendation at all), Dr Varun and Mr Veeraraghavan

Kili from Doctor and Beast (Shiva Arvind)

Name: Kili

Occupation: Administrative assistant, Truth see-er, Reality checker

Experience:

• Have been an enthusiastic partner/manager to Mahaali, the CEO of Mahaali A-Z Services

• Took on several roles and responsibilities like kidnapping, smuggling and rescue missions during my tenure

Bio:

I have been a trusted aide to Mahaali and helped cement Mahaali A-Z Services as a go-to solution for all problems in Chennai. I was the only person to comprehend a complex ploy by a client named Varun during a mission in Goa to rescue minor girls, but it was too late. I have also assisted Veeraghavan on his mission to take down terrorists when they hijacked the East Coast Mall, who, after witnessing my sharp thought and efficiency, quickly promoted me, along with my senior, Mahaali, to the position of 'shooter', letting me gun the terrorists down.

Recommended by: Veeraghavan, Dr. Varun

Skills:

• I can go without blinking for 10 minutes straight

• I don't fear telling the truth, even if it means I might offend my boss

Dhanraj From Jailer 

Name: Dhanraj 

Occupation: Gangster, Borewell Quality Control, Friendship Band Manufacturer (China)

Experience: Idol worship department of a reputed, idol smuggler with networks in four continents. Completed summer internship at Prabhu Lawrence Dance Academy. 

I have been working in a loyal capacity with Varman ever since we watched Kadhal Desam together in the Udhayam theatre. Loyalty is my forte and I am the only person who knows his ATM password, apart from the code to access incognito mode on his Google Chrome. Don’t trust me? Try 6969 for both and tell me it does not work. 

Skills: secret-keeping, book-keeping, housekeeping. Can comfortably sit on others’ laps for hours.