Nicolas Cage Has A Netflix Show On Swear Words. 5 Bollywood Actors Who’d Be Perfect For This

Nicolas Cage is painting a Georgia O'Keeffe like flower, foregrounded with a word in cursive- "Pussy".  He smirks, "It could also be a cat." 

This is History of Swear Words with Nicolas Cage coming to Netflix on January 5. This is the description of the show: "Soon you'll learn the history of something so potent, so crucial, so vital to our culture. The f*cking sh*t we live for." 

Given the number of Hollywood-To-Bollywood, Book-To-Film remakes we are seeing, don't blame us when our first reaction to this announcement was, "Who, in Indian cinema would be perfect to describe the historical origins and cultural resonance of madarch*d?"

If you have any doubts about the feasibility of such shows, we put forth evidence in the form Mirzapur's Gaali Count, a 5 part YouTube series that has more views than most videos on Mirzapur. 

So, here is our contribution to those asking the same question: Who should host this?

Jackie Shroff

'Maushi-chi-gand' came into our collective vocabulary from the out-takes of the Polio Vaccine ad that Jackie Shroff shot in 1998. It's two decades later, and we are still craving the pungent legacy of his colourful, shit-stained vocabulary- now that's something. 

Ranveer Singh

Ranveer Singh lending his voice for the Hindi version of Ryan Reynolds' Deadpool 2 is essentially his audition tape to get this gig, "Saale MCBC, Kahin DC Universe se toh nahin aaya hai!" had us sold! (Also who can forget the Comedy-Roast-that-must-not-be-named) His loud-mouth, high-wire, unfenced, comical, exaggerated, exasperating demeanour would be a hand in glove personality for this show. 

Rani Mukerji 

Her foul-mouthed acting chops in No One Killed Jessica has one thing sorted- "Aali Re, Saali Re, Muh Khole Toh Gaali Re" from the film's album would make a great promotional tag-line. Netflix take note. We request the no-fucks-given yellow sunglass look to open the show. 

Ali Fazal

Honestly, we dig that weird-but-cool unpredictable vibe of kindness and a mouthful of garbage. If we are to go by his Mirzapur gali-galoch, rest assured we will walk out of this show charmed, humoured, and horrified, and what other kind of reaction should one expect from such a show? 

Ram Gopal Varma

To anyone who has doubts about this choice, please Google "ram+gopal+varma+fuck+twitter". (Don't forget the "twitter") The man who has publicly spoken about abolishing the Censor Board, and whose films are indeed a middle finger to propriety as we know it, who better to host this? Some thinly veiled problematic statements in a haze of cigars and scotch, coming to a screen near you.