Joaquin Phoenix As Sathyanathan, George Clooney As Sethurama Iyer, Or The Hollywood-To-Malayalam Exchange Programme No One Asked For

A school bus conversation compiled by Meera Venugopal to finalise the most ideal Hollywood actor to star in select Malayalam classics. Warning: not to be taken seriously.
Joaquin Phoenix As Sathyanathan, George Clooney As Sethurama Iyer, Or The Hollywood-To-Malayalam Exchange Programme No One Asked For

Last week, we'd written about a fictional series of crossovers to imagine what Hollywood films would look like if our stars were to act in them. So, we got DQ and Parvathy in Notting Hill, Manju Warrier in Erin Brockovich  and Mohanlal in and as Scarface. Now what would the opposite of that look like? Here's another fun but pointless take on this international exchange programme. Also, can The Rock pull off a mone Dinesha?  

Joaquin Phoenix In Sadhayam 

Among Mohanlal's best performances is Sathyanathan in Sadhayam, where he plays a painter awaiting his execution after euthanising two teenage girls, and killing two adults. The performance is internal, like a hundred implosions being masked by this man with a glint in his eyes. In Joker, Phoenix too shares this inherent sadness that's becoming unbearable with each passing moment. The world is brutal and a bit of anarchy is what they both need. Phoenix in that brutal murder scene will be unforgettable. 

George Clooney As Sethurama Iyer CBI

Malayalam cinema's longest running franchise needs a star/actor like George Clooney. His stature and off-screen persona would contribute loads to the inherent respect one feels for the meticulous Sethurama Iyer. He's a man of few words and so it Clooney. Clooney is also capable of giving Iyer an element of coolth the character is missing. 

Will Smith And Denzel Washington In Ayyappanum Koshiyum

Now it's easy to want Al Pacino and Robert De Niro or Matt Damon and Di Caprio to reprise the roles of Ayyappan and Koshi in a Hollywood remake. We've seen their battles and we know what that would look like. But imagine an epic match-up where you get the cool arrogance of Smith from movies like Bad Boys and Ali taking on the quietly powerful Washington you saw in American Gangster. Add to this, the fact that both of them can really kick ass and this battle of male egos will get a worthy…equaliser.   

Sandra Bullock, Russel Crowe and Colin Firth in Manichitrathazhu

Certain films are perfect the way they are. This has never been as obvious as when you see the number of remakes of Manichitrathazhu that weren't as good as the original. But hey, casting better actors in some of these could have done the job. So how about Sandra Bullock playing Ganga-Nagavalli? Russel Crowe would be a great Sunny Joseph too, shifting from playful to intense with ease. And who better than Colin Firth to play the vulnerable husband who'd do anything to get his wife back.   

Bradley Cooper In Premam

Our most recent inductee to the hall of classics is exceptionally difficult to recast with Hollywood names. After minutes upon minutes of deliberation, it was agreed that, perhaps, Bradley Cooper is the closest we've got for the combination of boyish charm and later, full-on restraint, the character of George calls for. Ryan Gosling would be great too but no one can make you cry like Cooper can, like we saw in A Star Is Born. More importantly, how about Kristen Stewart as Mary, Emma Watson as Celine and, wait for it, Emma Stone as Sai Pallavi

Practically everyone in 20 Twenty   

If you're one for conspiracies, you can believe that Disney got the idea for a mega franchise like Avengers from this humble Malayalam blockbuster. Now, you can go two ways with the recasting. You can go The Expendables way by getting the big guns to play the main roles in a film with more action than the original. Or we can just shuffle up the Avengers and get them to play the various roles. A fight between Robert Downey JR (as Mohanlal) and Chris Hemsworth (playing Mammootty) will ensure we have another billion dollar film. I hope Edavela Babu is taking notes. 

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