10 Lines From Indian Matchmaking That Will Make You ROFL

“Marriages nowadays are like biscuits, they keep breaking” – Sima Taparia, matchmaker

Biscuits aren’t the first item that spring to mind when people talk about breakable wares but I guess this just makes us all Parle Gs in the hot chai that is life.

“He didn’t know Bolivia had salt flats. I was like, okay.” – Aparna Shewakramani, client

One of her dates doesn’t work out because Aparna is understandably put off by the man’s lack of knowledge about Bolivian salt flats. Other things Aparna is put off by: The prospect of “having to lay on a beach for more than three hours”.

“I tried to punch him when he held my hand yesterday.” – Aparna Shewakramani

Oh Aparna, never change.

“How’s very good in the bed?” – Sushil, astrologer

Sushil then helpfully clarifies that he is, indeed, talking about sex. While Sima believes in matching horoscopes as a method of “insurance” for a good marriage, the astrologer, on the other hand, seems to think that it can only go so far if the couple’s sex life is lacklustre.

“My mom is literally what I want to be looking at in a wife.” – Akshay Jakhete, client

Freud and Oedipus have entered the chat. Surprisingly, or maybe not for Indian men, Akshay’s not even the only client to specify that dating criteria.