Beiimaan Love Review – Death By Sunny Leone

If you thought Sunny Leone playing twins in Mastizaade was the worst thing she’s done in 2016, this film will prove you wrong

Director: Rajeev Chaudhari

Cast: Sunny Leone, Rajneish Duggall, Daniel Weber

Rating: 0

Beiimaan Love, which could have very well gotten away with being named Bae-imaan Luv, stars Sunny Leone as a woman who slaps a drunken man named Raj Malhotra (Rajneish Duggall; B-movie legend) who molests her at a party, before finding out he is her boss’s son and promptly falling in love with him.

When she overhears him telling his friend he is done with partying, sanskaari cupid strikes. To demonstrate her sudden outburst of feelings, she tickles her maid in the kitchen, dances with her and cuts carrots like a trained chef before showering them over the floor. All of this, in frightfully high heels.

One of her loving acts involves her going to bed with Raj in traditional Indian marriage attire in his Madh island bungalow, complete with a mysterious sindoor and bangles.

sunny-leone-2

I won’t mention the term ‘roleplay’ here, lest I get attacked by a mob that cries feminism and attacks me for slyly bringing up Leone’s past. To be fair, even the music in this scene sounded like a cheap elevator tune, and her real husband, Daniel Weber, makes his ‘reacting’ debut with a meta performance that will soon transcend time (“Thanks for standing by me through everything,” she coos, while he tries to figure out how to grin without looking like he is living out his favourite pizza-boy-bored-housewife fantasy).

She is unaware that this ‘bedding’ is a macho bet Raj had with his sleazy brother-in-law – a shifty chap who eloquently warns him, “She is hot, she is sexy, but she is very tough” to which Raj replies, “She may be an MBA in business; I am a double MBA in love.

But I digress. She is unaware that this ‘bedding’ is a macho bet Raj had with his sleazy brother-in-law – a shifty chap who eloquently warns him, “She is hot, she is sexy, but she is very tough” to which Raj replies, “She may be an MBA in business; I am a double MBA in love.

Naturally, they get caught by his tycoon father (Rajiv Verma), who is told that they are unofficially married because of course she is already magically in a bridal outfit. So far, so surreal.

So Raj avenges that party slap by tricking her into falling for him and then humiliating her on their big day, before she avenges her stricken mother’s death by ruining his family business and becoming a lady tycoon, before he avenges something by drinking and cheating on his new fiancé with her, before she avenges his initial fake love by making him actually fall for her and then mock him by accepting Daniel’s tattooed hand instead. A bunch of relentless avengers, these fellows.

Even though this screenplay is as minuscule as the chances of Leone ever stepping out of an on-screen shower without makeup, there are other things that catapult this film into top-cult category.

sunny-leone-movie-beiimaan-love-pic

 

This is the kind of time-warped movie that allows scheming characters to circle their victims while expressing wicked intent; where export companies are saddled with 90s monikers like K.K. Group and Janki Group; where lighters are lit mysteriously to demonstrate flaming desires; where lines like “I’m working on a growth plan for the company” are as technical as it gets; where oriental music begins as soon as Chinese clients appear and speak in a dubbed desi-Russian accent; where shady brother-in-law expresses anger by exclaiming, “Am I a sandwich between him?”; where there seems to be a plate of salted peanuts accompanying ubiquitous glasses of scotch (attention to detail); where elaborate lyrics to a song include, “Excuse me wanna love you…love you”; where yesteryear actor Avtar Gill looks exceptionally happy playing a doting touchy-feely father to a young girl who dresses like a rejected coke-sniffing Moulin Rouge dancer (this is where an entire hall of press folks, who had tolerated the film quietly until now, burst into uncontrollable shrieks of guffawing – total submission); where it’s hard to fathom how I’ve survived 122 minutes of a glorified videotape that seems to be intentionally trolling every critic that decides to analyze its content.

If you thought that sentence was long, wait till you realize how long Leone’s Hindi-film career has been. Jism 2 was way back in 2012, and it has already been four years too long.

And to think, she played twins called Laila Lele and Lily Lele in Milap Zaveri’s horrendous Mastizaade earlier this year, and that still wasn’t the worst thing she’s done in 2016.

And to think, she played twins called Laila Lele and Lily Lele in Milap Zaveri’s horrendous Mastizaade earlier this year, and that still wasn’t the worst thing she’s done in 2016.

Recent Posts

RECENT COMMENTS

Rahul Desai Written by:

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *